Balance is bullsh!t. At least that’s how I feel as I sit here writing this post from the comfort of my bed and recalling how ‘YES I FEEL YOU!!!’ I felt about those three little words when I heard them earlier this week.
(And oh’ how I wish I was writing this post from my bed was because I’m lazy, but no. I’ve just put my baby to sleep and probably have an hour max to check my emails, write, research and check my Insty feed…because – balance).
I’m also waiting to hear back from my husband re. whether he’s going to be home from work early or not, while simultaneously thinking about cleaning my house, prepping dinner (that everyone will eat GAAAH), how I’m going to shower my toddler when I’m 19 weeks pregnant (and my whole body feels like a log).
I’m also wondering if my husband is OK because his days are pretty long and I really should save at least three percent worth of my energy to give to him at the end of the day. But my toddler takes all my energy soooooo maybe I’ll save him two percent of my energy instead?
On that note, maybe I should turn the heater off to save energy? The world is in a bit of a crisis. I should do my bit. Or maybe I should donate to an environmental charity? Why don’t I know more about climate change?
I do drink my tea from re-usable cups though so I guess I can be pretty smug about that. Although I do want to drink more coffee… but I can’t because I’m pregnant. And caffeine is bad when you’re pregnant.
Why? I’m not sure. But I’m too tired to look it up. And now, my husband’s just told me that he’s going to be leaving work LATE tonight (why JESUS!) so the reality of having to shower my crazy toddler, somehow prep dinner and continue to be pregnant for the rest of the day without help is setting in.
F#ck. Did that last sentence make me sound ungrateful?
Because I am grateful.
Which reminds me, I should probably reserve 10 minutes at the end of the day to meditate and feel wholesome too. Because – #wellness.
Buuuuuutt I’m so freakin’ tired. (Maybe I’ll meditate and feel wholesome tomorrow.)
I should also feel grateful that I’m pregnant. But I have so much to dooooooo.
Now I feel guilty.
And majorly unbalanced. HA. But balance is bullsh!t remember?
Anyway, I wonder if I’m doing too much? Can I Google that? Maybe I can Google if other people have their sh!t together? Or maybe I can Google for someone to deliver me some chocolate?
OH and I just remembered I have least three other deadlines that are due this week, so I should really find some time to start on those…because everyone knows a mum’s brain needs some stimulation that doesn’t involve Thomas the Tank Engine or The Wiggles.
(I’m pretty sure that’s a scientific fact, I read somewhere I can’t remember.)
On that note, is it bad that my babe is watching Thomas the Tank Engine and The Wiggles? Maybe I’m letting him too much TV? Or maybe It’s not enough? Is there a guidebook for being a mum that I should be brushing up on? Anyone? Where do you learn these things?
…I’ll add that to my to-do list.
I also have a note (somewhere I’ve forgotten) re. texting a girlfriend about brunch this weekend. Because it’s been on my to-do list for about a month and I keep forgetting. Plus, I have to study for an exam.
And I can’t forget that I need to change my midwife appointment next week because I’m overly anxious about it interfering with my toddler’s lunch. AND what should toddlers eat for lunch? He needs to eat a balanced meal that ticks all the boxes nutritionally, taste wise and I’m trying to keep them as mess free as possible these days because: pregnant! (Plus, the thought of bending over to clean RN isn’t that fun.)
But maybe If I clean my house I will feel more balanced. Isn’t a clean house like a Feng Shui thing? Maybe I should Feng Shui my home? Get a life coach? Find someone to balance my Chi?
Ok, my babe is waking up…I g2g.
But before I do just remember, balance is bullshit. And the scenarios above are pretty accurate reflections inside the working of a multitasking female brain. (At least my female brain LOL).
So much to do, so little time etc…
However, the moral of the story is that nothing will ever be perfect. Or balanced.
In fact, the only thing that is balanced in my life right now is my laptop on my knees.
You’ll find all the other balls in my life flying above my head, or messily strewn all over the ground. But I’m too pregnant and CBF’d to pick them up…