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Exercising Your Emotional Strength

I used to be a crier. I would cry at nearly everything, and the smallest of things. I wouldn't be able to confront another person about a problem or issue without my eyes welling up with tears - whether it be an argument I had with my boyfriend or a family member, issues I was having with school (back in the day) or more recently with work, or even in my social life. I would sometimes let things get me down so much that I would cry myself to sleep, or spend my day in bed watching movies and not facing the world. 

You see the issue with being negatively emotional i.e. angry, mad, upset, is that it is exhausting and draining. A constant feeling of exhaustion, can have a roll on affect to your physical and mental capabilities, will impact in your work, relationships and overall lifestyle. Which eventually can have long term affects on your physical and mental health.

I eventually got to a point where I was just completely drained, like someone had sucked all the life out of me. On top of that I was embarrassed! Embarrassed that every time that I was being given constructive feedback in a professional environment, or if I had to confront someone or have an uncomfortable conversation, I would cry! I knew that one day I wanted to be a bad ass business woman and ain't nobody going to be taking me seriously if I couldn't hold face! Even if I wasn't taking the criticism to heart, I still couldn't stop the tears welling up in my eyes! What was wrong with me? I didn't see everyone else bursting into tears at the smallest thing. 

One day I just decided enough was enough and I wanted to be happy and squeeze as much out of my days/life as possible. It's a cliched saying, but it's true that happiness is a choice. It's a decision that needs to be exercised every single day, it's part of your life journey and who you decide to be.

So I want to share with you today, some pieces of advice, tips and tricks I have picked up over the last couple of years, that have helped me strengthen my emotional resilience. Now I'm not saying I've turned myself into a Miranda Priestly and am not capable of feeling emotion, or able to sympathise and empathise with people. It's more that I am now capable of resolving issues logically in order to be able to put them behind me, and continue on with my bad arse self. 

1) STOP! ...BREATHE IN 2,3,4,5 BREATHE OUT 2,3,4,5.

It's true, breathing really does help. It gives you a chance to process what is happening and calm your emotions, sometimes even before they get a chance to start flying all over the place. Breathe in, count to five and breathe out count to five. Repeat this and see if you can increase your counts to eight and then to 10. When you do this exercise make sure you stop what you are doing and just focus on your breathing.  Don't text your BFF, or construct an email that is capable of getting someone fired. Just stop and breathe. 

2) LISTEN WITH AN INTENT TO HEAR, NOT TO ANSWER.

You are in the middle of a confrontation with someone. You're right, you know you're right! And you're adamant that the other person is wrong. You have all your comeback ammo ready to fire at whatever they say. Then as soon as they make a point, BANG! You shoot them down.

Ok lets stop for a second. Why is this person arguing with you? What is it they are talking about or why is there an issue that needed to be brought up? Stop the defensive thoughts running through your head and listen to what they are saying. You know, they might actually be telling you something that could benefit you and your personal development. Or you might find you can actually empathise with this person. Empathy will defuse the situation, making it easier to logically work through to a resolution together.  Ultimately a conversation should be about the ideas spoken not the about the ego's involved.

3) GIVE YOURSELF A TIMELINE TO BE ANGRY

Anger is a normal emotion.  It's only human to have feelings of anger, sadness and frustration arise. This is ok, it's ok to get really really pissed off! We aren't talking about blocking these emotions out totally so you just become a stone woman.  It's about dealing with them in a way that doesn't manifest itself and take over your life.  

So something has happened that has really pissed you off and made your blood boil. Give yourself five, 10 or even 20 minutes to be angry. Scream, swear, cry, let it all out. But say to yourself, ok I will give myself 15 minutes of madness, but then I have to get over it. Just get over it and move on. I wouldn't suggest giving yourself more than 20min, because then it could manifest into something more. Negative emotions are ok but you don't want to live on them.

4) STOP TALKING ABOUT IT

The only reason you should be talking about the issue at hand is 1) to get it off your chest or 2) to be finding a resolution. Continually talking about a situation in a negative way will only let it manifest and grow into something bigger than it is, it gives you a reason to dwell on the situation and find reasons for your anger. It's actually pretty impossible to hold onto the feeling of anger for longer than half an hour. The only reason why we manage to stay angry for longer is because we keep finding reasons to justify our anger. Again, give yourself a timeline to vent about it to someone, and then find a resolution, let it go and move on.

5)  YOU ARE BETTER THAN THIS

Just remember you is a bad arse bitch who is better than this. It's water off a ducks back, you can resolve any issue that comes your way, and continue to move forward. Your experiences should make you smarter and stronger with each passing day.

I hope you found this advice as useful as I do. I'm Interested to hear about how you deal with uncontrollable, unreasonable emotions? Tell us in the comments below.

Alicia xx

Comments

Meggan Morimoto:

I absolutely love this blog Alicia! Powerful, easy to implement into our lives, techniques!!

One of my favourite ways to make sure I’m in tune with my emotional strength and calm in my mind is to put focus daily on listening to the words I say and how I say them. I try to never say anything that I don’t want to become true for me, because I believe in manifesting what I want, I def don’t wait things I don’t want in my life vocalised and out there in the universe if that makes sense! I believe we improve our emotional strength so much when we grasp the concept that WE choose what we say, do and think. On a daily basis we all have millions of thoughts banging through our minds…. Which can be completely exhausting. Our minds are so powerful, if we don’t learn to control our thoughts.. Then quite simply our thoughts have the ability to control us (including our emotions) and have the ability to fill us with stress and anxiety if we allow them.

Have you ever had those days where your mind says to you…. "I have to get this done and that done.. and then once I get this done.. Then, I’m all caught up – only to realise as soon as you have, 10 other things have replaced those that we ‘have to get done’ and we’re forever chasing that devilish little list that never ends and causes our bodies to rush with anxiety because we never feel 100% on top of things…(quick take a breathe, cause that was the longest sentence in history lol) .. Well, the good news is, if we shift our minds to ‘I choose to’ instead of ‘I have to’ we can start balancing out our thoughts from our emotions and release a lot of self-imposed pressure and anxiety, which in turn will have a positive effect on our lives, emotions, clarity and stress levels. Just as you mentioned in our blog , everything we do is by choice!! xx Todays Goal:… Catch ourselves out everytime we hear ourselves say “I have to” and replace it with “I choose to”. Take note to feel the affect it has on your emotions as you calming begin to feel more centred.

Love you work beautiful lady – keep it coming! ????

Mar 30, 2016

Yvonne :

Absolutely amazing advice, I will try it! I often have difficulty controlling my emotions and anger level.
It’s never too late to become a bit of a bad arse and toughen up.
Thank you xx

Mar 30, 2016

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